Barter
Would you believe
In 1984, I made a deal with God
(Who in later reckoning
Seems a particularly poor choice to barter with thusly)
That if I would quit masturbating
If he made sure
The coldly warring superpowers
Wouldn’t blow each other
And the rest of us
Off the planet
In retrospect
If there is some force
Behind all the lawlike regularities
Ensuring all those sparrows don’t just fall for no good reason
I wonder why this force would have been much swayed
By my proposal
I think I made it three months
Which is pretty good for thirteen
And did not experience the side benefits
That all the puritans, faithful or secular,
Advertise in such glowing terms
Thought and complexion
No clearer
Maybe a little less laundry
The giant within me
Self-spent and forsaking potential
Remained in torpor
Under the new regime
And then one November morning
The fate of the world
Called out more faintly
Than the bra section of the Christmas Sears catalogue
And that was that
Yet we remained un-vaporized
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Was my three months maybe enough of a sacrifice?
If you think so I’d accept your thanks and money
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But I’d recommend to the youth of today
Fixated on their own exploding horizons
Offer better terms
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