House Hunters

Dan J. Vice

I’m looking for 5 acres in the heart of the heart

of the city center

close to restaurants and far from neighbors

a four-bed/three-bath with room for entertaining

an office & a studio space & walking distance to work

I like a Craftsman with curb appeal at a good price point

original hardwood, fireplace, sliding barn doors

& lots of character, but also

a midcentury-modern ranch-style bungalow

with clean lines

and a fenced-in backyard for the dogs

I need crown molding & an open concept

double vanities & subway tile backsplash & granite countertops—

no, quartz—and an island

two islands

I’ve been on this planet for 29 years and I’ll be goddamned

if I go another day without shaker-style cabinets

This kitchen would have to be gutted

This bathroom would have to be gutted

I am an Automation Manager at a technology firm

that provides automation oversight for other automation

technology firms

My wife studies glassblowing

Our budget is $950,000

Dan J. Vice shelters-in-place in Indianapolis with his wife, son, and two cats. He teaches writing and literature at the University of Indianapolis. He's really trying.