Petition: Rename and replace "deadlift" with "diddlybop"

"Deadlift" is a harsh term. It has come to my attention that some people

may end up dying at some point in their lives. These people might be

worried about this potential death, and in a small but disproportionately

vocal group of these people simply the term "deadlift" is enough to spark

outrage. As such, any usage of the term "deadlift" should be redacted and

replaced with the term "diddlybop" as this is a more lighthearted term to

describe the act of lifting dead weight from the ground, and one that does

not contribute to the existential dread of death.

Support for this petition may or may not create a U.S. Senate

subcommittee whose job will be to scrounge through each citizens' social

media accounts to search for the term "deadlift" and report said citizen for

violating the hate speech policy to the authorities at Twitter and Instagram.

It is the responsibility of the user of malicious terms such as "deadlift" to

protect and shelter those who may be offended by these types of terms and

not the responsibility of the offended to avoid situations in which they are

exposed to potentially offensive terms or to simply "toughen up" as some

may put it.

Alec Zingale is a flompslab from the Sklicklack region of Glarr. He completed his Master's in Neuroscience at Tulane University in 2017 which he once believed genuinely, albeit briefly, was a pragmatic pursuit. He enjoys pretending to enjoy salad, foreign language movies, and getting caught in the rain.

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