Release Notes for Leonard, 24 Years Old

Leo v1.2.4  (formerly lil’ lick) is now available for deployment in your social environment. This version of Leo (formerly lil’ lick) offers a complete rebranding to suit your new and sophisticated young professional lifestyle while continuing to round out your friendship circle as the “self-deprecating goof-ball” companion.

 

Requirements

Leo v1.2.4 (formerly lil’ lick) requires the following to operate in your social environment: 

  •      a cannabis delivery apparatus

  •      hummus

  •      hugs

 

Note: Hugs should be distributed by approved friends. Embraces from strangers and strongly scented elders are not recommended.

New Features

The following features have been added to Leo (formerly lil’ lick).

 

Rebranding:

 

              Leo, who used to go by “lil’ lick”, a nick-name coined by the greater online community (and was never         

              approved by marketing) now goes by an abbreviation of his v1.0.0 title, “Leo”. You can now introduce Leo to

              your hip young professional friends under the guise that he, too, is professional.

 

              Leo now wears tapered chino pants that can be worn in the workplace and hip night-life environments.

              Black and navy shades are included.

 

              Note: A belt is required. A belt color corresponding to shoe color is preferred.

 

              Leo also comes with a built-in tattoo on his right forearm, which reads “Good things come to those who

              wait” in calligraphy. You can ask Leo to talk about the inspiration behind his pop-culture flesh art to fill

              conversational gaps in your social environment. 

 

              Leo’s “Allison Always” tattoo on his left chest was filled in with a black heart.

 

Relationships:

 

              Leo is now single. You can approach him for sage life advice when sober. For jaded “love is folly”

              monologues in your social environment, add mid-shelf tequila or Jim Beam to your social environment.

 

              A future iteration of Leo will support dating, mingling, and charm.

 

              Note: Attempting to change Leo’s relationship state (also known as “setting up” or “wing-manning”) is not

              recommended and may cause Leo’s confidence configuration to return error. 

 

Faith:

 

              Leo is now vocal about his identity as spiritual but not Christian. You can prompt Leo to expand on this

              feature with biblical text, ghost stories, and hot takes about the origin of the cosmos.

 

Employment:

 

              Leo v.1.2.4  now maintains a full-time job in waste management, a feature previously deprecated in v1.2.2.

              With the return of a steady income, you can now invite Leo to fast casual restaurants, budget films, and

              mini golf. 

 

              Leo also has health insurance, 10 days of paid time-off per year, and a parking pass for the parking ramp at

              the corner of 3rd and Washington.

 

Hobbies:

 

              As a result of the existential crisis triggered by his break-up, Leo has latched on to the following hobbies to               feel whole: 

 

  • Photography

  • Drink coaster collecting

  • Cooking documentaries

 

              These hobbies are merely a phase of coping and should not be considered a permanent addition to your

              social environment. A future iteration of Leo will include interests more synonymous with Leo’s identity.

              You can follow Leo’s Instagram account, which includes photos from his hikes and the occasional insta-

              poem caption, by searching his handle @lillick.

 

              Note: A future iteration of Leo will include a rebranded Instagram handle.

 

Bug Fixes

Leo v1.2.4 includes the following bug fixes:

 

  • Leo no longer flosses in public.

  • Leo no longer leaves peanut butter caked knives at the bottom of sinks.

  • Leo’s ring worm on his upper-back has been deprecated.

  • Leo consistently remembers to bring his ID to bars and R-rated films.

  • Leo now consults nearby adults before clicking on phishing emails.

 


Known Issues

The following issues are known with Leo:

Note: Due to the extensive list of issues, only the most common and crippling issues are listed.

 

  • Leo may forget to buy his mother a birthday present.

  • Sometimes, Leo initiates handshakes with his left hand.

  • Leo does not utilize overdraft protection on his checking account.

  • Leo may not receive emojis on his iPhone 4 due to iOS compatibility issues.

  • Leo does not recycle.

  • When pouring a beer, Leo may forget to tilt the glass and allow foam to over flow.

  • If given DJ privileges in a vehicle or home stereo environment, Leo may play dastardly artists such as Yelawolf, Carly Rae Jepson deep tracks, and Art Garfunkel.

  • Leo cannot operate self-checkout aisles at grocery stores.

  • When talking to women, Leo may lie about his education and shoe size.

  • Sometimes, Leo may produce and present unwanted and generally unimpressive poetry to his social environment when using cannabis.

  • To access his email, Leo must reset his password each time since he cannot remember.

  • Leo fails to support house plants.

 

 

For more information on deploying Leo in your social environment, contact Leo Support.

bp james is a writer and observationist from Northwestern Wisconsin.

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