Useless Knowledge

Sophia Goodfriend

Did you know: my gynecologist’s name is Steve

We talk about how icy the roads are this morning

Before he dons powdered latex gloves

to stick me with a cold steel speculum 

Did you know: Steve is 57, 5’8’’, and 210 pounds

Inside the Quinta Inn he’ll shout “grab the headboard”

which means for $400 an hour you can sit on his face

listen to him grunt, contemplate the popcorn ceiling

Did you know: You can fuck Steve (if you have good insurance)

Or pay Steve to fuck you (it’ll be $200 copay) 

Did you know: Steve secretes secrets

they ooze beneath the gold shellacked elevator door

into rooms full of other girls contemplating the same

popcorn ceiling listening to other steves shudder 

Did you know: Steve is a scientist, technical

Likes to divide and classify 

symbolic from real, baby from daddy,

pathology from perversion, patient from whore

Did you know: Steve will pay you in cash (if you want to stay opaque)

Or can send it via paypal (if you’re already transparent) 

Did you know: Steve has an expansive vocabulary 

He knows 12 different ways to say

Pelvic interior, sheath, vulva, vaginal vestibule, pudenda, scabbard,

genitalia, crotch, sex parts, pussy, cock suck, daddy’s dead end

Did you know: Steve knows everything

Did you know: I do too